Why do I buy too much stuff? part 3 - 7 effective techniques for conscious consumption

Have you ever wondered why I keep buying stuff? You probably already have everything you need for a good life. You may also be quite aware that stuff doesn't make you happy or satisfied. What's wrong? I've spent endless time thinking about this myself, because I genuinely want to understand why we keep spending more when we already have pretty much everything. This "Why do I buy too much stuff?" Part 3 - 7 effective techniques for conscious consumption" article now offers some answers.

Professional organiser's and marketer's perspective on consumption

I am a professional organiser and former marketing professional who left marketing because I no longer want to steer people into overselling. These days I help busy families clear their homes, minds and calendars. 

Because of my background, in this article I want to talk about consumption from the point of view of resisting the urge to buy and willpower. You can also watch this article as a YouTube video in English.

When willpower was tested: one cruise, a tired mother and adventurous children

I came across this topic again a couple of weeks ago. I felt like someone had tapped me on the head. I was on a trip with my children. I was the only carer and I was travelling a route that was unfamiliar to me. So I had to make more of an effort than usual. And yes, normally my children are very active and adventurous. There were hardly any rest periods. Maybe you recognise the situation.

I was tired, hungry and even overwhelmed at times - because I had to be so actively involved in everything. All those petrol stations, the ferry, and the shops - they almost got me. I found myself staring at a cute green mug in the ship's shop in a curious state of mind when I realised what was happening. I had let my guards down. In my mind, I was almost buying the mug, even though I genuinely didn't need another mug for the rest of my life.

I have been on a minimalist mindset for several years now. I am very conscious of what I buy and bring into my home. I use one mug - one mug - every day. I don't want to feel stressed, anxious and overloaded with stuff I don't really need, so that's what I do. I also want to teach my children about conscious consumption.

But I was still in the middle of all these temptations, and it was really hard to resist buying. Even though I'm a professional organiser and have done a lot of research on the subject, it was still strangely difficult - all those lovely things, beautiful accessories and gifts. I want to stress that as a professional, I know how hard it is not to buy. So I am very aware of this from the start and I have techniques that help me, because otherwise as a natural hamster I would get into trouble in my everyday life. So I'm not just easily going to be tricked into buying any more.

When I realised the situation, I managed to get back on track and saved myself from buying more unnecessary stuff to take home. I stuck to my shopping list. I'm really proud of that. Now I want to share the techniques I used in this article, maybe they will give you some new tips. Before that, let's recap what happens in the process from a willpower perspective.

What is willpower?

One definition of willpower is: "Willpower is the ability to resist short-term temptations in order to achieve long-term goals." For me, a long-term goal is to live without excess stuff. The short-term goal is to resist temptations that would clutter my home.

You only have a certain amount of mental capacity, or decisions per day. We use this same decision pool at work, at home, with our children, everywhere - but there is only a finite number of it. So the cognitive capacity for the day is a given, and this is something that cannot be ignored. 

Resisting the urge to buy consumes this decision-making capacity, also called willpower. So you can easily imagine that if you have to make more effort than usual, for example when you travel, you are in a situation that stretches your decision-making capacity. Add to this the need to go shopping and the situation becomes more difficult.

Roy Baumeister's ego depletion explains why effort becomes more difficult

Social psychologist Roy Baumeister has spent a long career studying willpower, self-control, decision fatigue and ego depletion. Together with his colleagues at Case Western Reserve University, he designed an experiment in which participants were lured with chocolate but asked to eat radishes. Unfair, right?

The room smelled of freshly-baked chocolate biscuits, and some participants were allowed to taste the biscuits, but the test group had to eat radishes. They were not satisfied and had to struggle to resist the biscuits. Many even smelled the biscuits in desperation.

Participants were then given a second task, a seemingly separate problem-solving puzzle, in this case a challenging jigsaw puzzle. The results were clear: those who ate radishes gave up much faster than those who ate chocolate or the control group, who were asked to do only the puzzle.

In other words, those who had to resist the temptation to force themselves to eat radishes were no longer able to put the effort into the next task. They were too tired.

Willpower is like a muscle

in the study the key finding was a breakthrough: self-control is a universal resource, used in many different tasks of the day, and can be depleted. This showed that self-control is not a skill that can be mastered at will - it is like a muscle that gets tired after use and loses its effectiveness, at least in the short term.

This research laid the foundations for many other studies, including in the field of consumer behaviour. For example, in consumer research, it provided an explanation of why people are more likely to succumb to "retail therapy" when they are heartbroken. 

But shopping is not real therapy, so avoid it - go to real therapy instead if you really want to work on your emotions and behaviour.

Ego depletion - why does willpower dry up?

Self-control and willpower consume energy, leading to a phenomenon called ego depletion. Roy Baumeister's theory explains that if we have already spent all our willpower on past temptations, decisions or living for ourselves, resistance is impossible.

Many of my clients blame themselves for not being able to resist the temptation to buy or clear out their homes. I find this very human. We have a limited amount of willpower in a day, I want everyone to understand that and be more at peace instead of self-blame. 

If your life situation is taking up all your energy, it's no wonder you're buying or not clearing out. So have mercy on yourself and others.

Knowledge brings comfort and helps towards smarter behaviours

Knowing about this phenomenon is a comfort, at least for me. Awareness of these phenomena helps us to teach the necessary knowledge and skills to our children. 

According to research by Roy Baumeister, children with good self-control do better in all areas of life. We can help our children by teaching them techniques to save their willpower and avoid situations where resistance is impossible.

Baumeister has said:

It is hard to find major personal problems that do not involve some kind of failure of self-control.

This is an unstoppable thought.

The limits of willpower in everyday life

It is important to be aware that willpower is limited in a day. If I'm travelling with children and I'm already feeling a bit anxious, it's no wonder that the temptations feel overwhelming. Even if I have the techniques and knowledge, the temptation to buy can still win.

Self-control consumes energy until we can rest and recover. Until then, self-control is less effective. Tired, overworked parents and an ego depletion, what a perfect combination! 

If your daily life is hectic and you don't have time to rest, your willpower will not recover. By recognising this, we are already one step ahead.

Have you noticed that ego gap in your daily life? 

Marketing knows our thoughts and buying behaviour - and uses it to its advantage

I want to stress that while we consumers don't always think about our buying behaviour, you can be sure that all marketing and sales departments do. These are the things that are considered when planning campaigns or product placement in stores. 

I don't want to label marketing or sales as bad, but I genuinely believe that we should be more aware of the things that affect us.

I think the game is fair if everyone knows the rules and how we are influenced, how our brains work and how marketing makes us buy more than we want to.

Shaking the will is by design, not by chance

It's no coincidence that the sweets are at the checkout. It's no coincidence that colourful toys are near the checkout line. And it's no coincidence that you can smell a fresh bun in the supermarket. 

All designed to entice and persuade us to buy when the last vestiges of willpower have been spent on a day at work or a day-care rally. This is entirely deliberate.

Why does all this appeal to us so deeply?

What do you really need instead of buying?

My fourth thought on willpower in this article is: you don't need the stuff you want. You probably need something else. 

Maybe you need recognition, love or rest? I, for example, needed rest. When I was travelling, I couldn't get it because we were on a boat with hundreds of other people, the shops in the destination city were full, as were the restaurants, and there was no place to really relax and recharge my batteries. 

No wonder, then, that the temptation to buy was strong.

Why is buying tempting and feels good?

Buying makes us feel good because it releases dopamine. It's a quick shortcut to pleasure that we might not otherwise get at that moment. 

I could have had the same feeling with rest, food or water - but it felt impossible. That's why buying seemed like the easy option. 

Even though we know that the dopamine rush won't last, we still fall. The buyers remorse comes quickly - a good feeling only lasts minutes or hours.

Teach children to shop consciously so that buyers remorse are recognisable

One of my children often feels regret about her purchases. That's why I try to help her make informed decisions so she can be more satisfied with her choices. This is a perfectly normal phenomenon and there is nothing wrong with a person with buyers remorse. 

As a parent, we can help children understand that this is normal and that it is caused by brain chemistry. 

There's nothing wrong with you if you feel bad after a purchase. But it's important to learn to recognise these cause-and-effect relationships and try to take back control.

Read also previous articles, if you want to hear more about this topic from a different perspective.

Why we keep buying more - Part 2: Managing expectations

Seven techniques to better manage your buying behaviour

Here are seven techniques and routines that you can implement in your everyday life to make your spending more conscious. 

Try one or more of these if you find that emotions often take over when it comes to shopping.

1. Observe your buying behaviour - when do you feel the need to buy?

The first step is to observe your own behaviour and look for patterns. When do you feel the need to buy? This is really important. 

When I became aware of my own buying behaviour a few years ago, I noticed a couple of patterns. When I was tired, overwhelmed and still had to stay awake or responsible with the kids, I felt the need to buy new clothes. I still tend to indulge in treats when I'm in this state.

If I look at this situation objectively, free of all the tragedy, I find it fascinating. 

I was clearly looking for comfort in buying clothes. It made me feel better in many ways. 

Over the years, I have managed to change this pattern: now I only buy clothes when I need them or when I make a well-considered decision to buy. I still always try to buy recycled clothes first. I know that desire speaks, not need, but at least I make a conscious decision.

When I saw this behaviour in myself, I was able to change it. I feel that I regained control. 

So ask yourself: what do you really want? Love, rest, connection? Once you see the pattern in your purchase, you can't help but see it - and you're in the lucky position of being able to change your behaviour if you wish.

2. Take a picture of the product you want

If you see something you think is worth buying, take a picture of it. This also works great with children. 

Taking a photo is like showing appreciation for the product: "We noticed you, you're lovely." 

To a child you can say: "Let's take a picture, and if this still feels important in 30 days, we can come back and buy it." 

In this way, the child learns to distinguish between want and need and understands the importance of making well-considered decisions.

3. Add the purchase to your shopping list

All your shopping needs and wishes should be written down on a shopping list - including children's wishes. In other words, don't buy anything that's not on your shopping list. 

Later, you can go back to the list and assess whether it was a real need or a passing fancy. It's worth stewing over for at least a month.

The desire is often short-lived, the need remains. If the idea has been on the list for a long time and is still relevant, the decision to buy is probably a considered one.

4. Wait 30 days before buying

Give yourself 30 days to think before you make any purchase, excluding consumer goods. 

However, this technique will help you identify if you really need something: most of the time, the desire will fade over time. 

This can be a challenge if the product is unique or an en-route purchase. Personally, I use this rule for second-hand clothing, even though I know that the item may sell while I'm considering it. With seasonal items, I try to take a bit of a head start and think ahead: do I need new shoes or trousers for the next season? Often I find that it was just a passing fancy.

5. Stay on budget

Budgeting also works great with children, as this technique takes the decision away from you. 

You can say to yourself: "Too bad, but I can't buy this because it's not in my budget."

This way, you defer the decision to the next budget cycle. This saves energy because you don't have to make the decision - it's either in the budget or it's not. It's very black and white.

This works logically with children too, although it can be emotional. However, rules help save energy and remove the burden of constant deliberation.

6. Take a conscious pause before buying

This technique works great for both online and brick-and-mortar stores, but the implementation is slightly different. 

If you are buying online, add the product to your shopping cart, but do not pay immediately. Return to the online shop in a few hours, days or even weeks. Does this purchase still feel important?

In a shop, hold the product in your hand for 15 minutes before you go to the checkout. One of my children uses this technique all the time, and 90 % of the time he returns the product to its place. The dopamine rush doesn't last, and the buyers remorse starts to creep in.

This works for both adults and children. I have saved a lot of money and effort with this technique. 

So don't buy immediately - wait at least 15 minutes, preferably days, before making a decision. This will give your brain time to ignore the momentary feeling and avoid unnecessary purchases.

7. Don't buy when tired or overloaded

This is perhaps the hardest rule. If you live an intense life with children, a hectic work schedule and a big house to run, help yourself and make a rule: don't buy when you're tired or overwhelmed. 

I know this is challenging because often we are just plain tired and overloaded. But if you find moments when you are rested and have energy, you can make better decisions. Try to place your shopping at these points in your day or week. 

Teach your children this too - shopping when hungry or tired will easily lead to overspending. 

If you run out of willpower, don't go to the shops or shop online. Plan ahead and save a lot of your own energy in the future.

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