What is a good enough home - comparing needs and wants

I participated in The Finnish Association of Professional Organizers's webinar, which annually reflects the theme How much is enough? In my speech, together with a professional organiser pioneer Anne te Velde-Luoma we focused on what is a good enough home? In the Needs and Wants comparison section of this article, I want to continue the idea of why we are constantly dissatisfied and quick to buy new.

So what is a good enough home? It depends on your point of view, but the answer will determine, among other things, how much effort you expect from yourself and others. In thinking about what is good enough, we also need to consider our needs and desires, as they guide us in our pursuits.

You can click from the Contents directly to the last section, where I answer what I think is a good enough home.

A home feels embarrassing and out of place when we compare it to a social media -catalogue

We've been meaning to replace the sofa in our home for nine years. It's still serving us reasonably well, but it's untrendy, little bit broken and small. However, it's paid for, ready to receive, and for a family with kids, it's a pretty good sofa. I find, however, when we receive guests, that it is embarrassing. In fact, one in two of us Finns suffers from shame of home, so I'm not alone. I wrote about this earlier an article, which also explains how to overcome shame.)

Through the sofa, let's get to grips with the concepts of desire and need, because they are really important when you are trying to make your home work or when you are deciding what is a good enough home for you. I've certainly wanted a new sofa for almost a decade, but clearly don't need one because we have a sofa. However, I have to deal with my uncomfortable feelings and worry about what others think. At some point the sofa will fall apart for good, or there's no way we can fit people on it any more. Or I can't stand my shame any longer, and I buy a new sofa.

The desire for a new sofa and the use of social media are combining to make a difference. If I get lost in my Instagram feed, I might start comparing our home to the beautiful and trendy homes of others. If I don't know my feelings or stay firmly on the side of my old sofa, the urge to buy a new one might explode. If and when the sofa manufacturers get wind of these musings of mine, I'm in trouble. I'm going to get hundreds of ads and marketing bombardment. This is the point where I lose control of the game and my wallet if I don't know my needs from my wants.

How do I know if I need or want something?

Today's Western people suffer from abundance. We can safely assume that 90 % of the things we want are wants. Most people have a roof over their heads, food and the basic necessities to meet their basic needs.

In addition to these, we need avenues for self-expression, community and self-actualisation. There are free ways to do these and a minimum number of paid ones to choose from. So the rest is more or less a field of desire.

In Finland, we have had a relatively short period of plenty, so we have learned the ways of scarcity from previous generations - save everything for a rainy day. We live in an individual-centred culture with an atmosphere of entitlement. We exhort ourselves to strive for more, to want and to grab.

Unless we question this further, we are easily driven by our desires. Marketing adds water to the mill and drives us to buy things we don't really need.

Every new purchase or thought of dissatisfaction is extra work for your daily life

Why do these things matter, why can't I just buy the Insta-home I want? Of course you can. I want to bring these things out into the open so that you can genuinely choose: every thought of dissatisfaction and the ill-considered purchase creates adds to your daily workload. Things are taken care of and given time. Where does this time go? By shopping aimlessly, you are letting someone else decide how you spend the hours of your week.

Excessive abundance have been shown to stress, depress and anxiety us. Humans tolerate stress well, but only for a moment at a time. Our current way of life makes stress easily chronic. By constantly hoarding more and more, we keep ourselves busy - having to make more money to pay for a purchased identity, such as the instalments of owning a nice sofa.

However, all these things we want to do make us ill in the worst case. Separating real need from desire helps in this jungle and is therefore essential.

Why do I also buy things I don't need?

Marketers use human needs to sell their product to as many people as possible. I have 20 years of marketing experience, both in advertising agencies and on the brand ambassador side. The goal is always to get a larger percentage of customers to prefer your service or product.

I came across an article called 46 resources, with which to market to consumers more. A couple of highlights of these:

• Setting time pressure makes the buyer act quickly, i.e. more impulsively. This increases impulse buying when you act on emotion. Time pressure is exploited, for example, by pop-up shops, promotional days or a time limit on the goods being sold.
• Influencers making use of referees gets followers by study to like the brands more presented by these influencers. Using testimonials taps into people's need to belong: a good or service is tried and tested, so it feels like a less risky option and does not threaten their sense of belonging.
• Storytelling appeals to the age-old human habit of sharing with other people. By using storytelling, you can be made to dream about the moments you will use the product, making you more likely to buy it.

We are not satisfied with anything, because we are constantly reminded of new opportunities and we are also created emotional desires through marketing. That's why we buy things we don't really need. Dreaming and buying new things can also be a way of dealing with difficult emotions or not having to face them. Today, resisting the urge to buy is a job.

I want to underline this now: If you keep buying more and more, you will keep getting more and more work. So you will never reach the restful you. Instead of dream weekends, an ice cream maker purchased for the sake of storytelling persuasion may yield recurring frustration as a kitchen cupboard clog and a cranky chef who is far from what you want.

We know that we are happier and more satisfied when we buy experiences than material things

In the studies it has been found that in pursuit of a happier and more satisfying life, it is better to invest in experiences rather than buying things. In other words, we don't need nearly anything we think we need. Instead, spending time with other people makes us feel satisfied and valued.

If you want to resist the spending spree, use the shopping days or Shopping list as a technique, so you don't get caught up in marketing. In a shopping day, you stick to a single shopping window for a single day. The shopping list does the same thing, but the item has to be on the list a month before you buy it. Both of these separate wants from needs. So you give your brain time and save money and effort in the future.

What is a good enough home?

In a good enough home, you can rest, dine and enjoy the company of loved ones. You need a bed, a place to eat, a washroom and space to be present. On top of this, you can build a home that truly serves your needs. A good home is also a place where you can express yourself, for example by knitting or redecorating. A good home can also be cluttered and messy, as long as it doesn't put too much strain on the nerves of its users.

If you need support to work on your own spending or organise your home, contact me! I serve in Pirkanmaa, Finland and offer a satisfaction guarantee for my professional organising services.

Listen to the recording of the How much is good enough event